some inspiration.
something to drive me to write something meaningful, thoughtful.
I hate when this happens - I have a week where I think way too much;; and then another, where I have no idea what I want to write about, or even why I want to write. It;s ridiculous, to say the least. Whatever, I guess I can blog about yesterday;s thoughts, since I was so beyond angry. I hate posting personal stuff;; cos; it doesn;t belong in my blog - but this I guess if it has some solidity, my personal stuff should get on here too. Besides, it;s not like anyone I don;t trust reads this crap anyways.
Yesterday I had a major panic attack when I realized that my mother hadn’t done the laundry. Sure, it sounds ridiculous, but I don;t know why it happened. It;s random little things that make me tick. Whatever, that;s not the point. My dad had decided that I needed to get out of the house, and away from anything. I didn;t go to the tax rally, like I had intended to for the past month or so, but we picked up Devin and just drove. I think it was the best therapy anyone could have given me, without having a degree and whatnot. Maybe it;s cos; he took psych for a few years in college? I finally calmed down by the time we got Devin, and we all just got to talking, about random stuff. I;m really glad I have them around. They;re amazing.
Alright, so my thoughts? I thought I was going to die. I was convinced that my mother had died. I even told Devin, only to realize that she was safe at home. I have no idea what happened. Maybe that;s my motivation? Death? Or is it the fact that life is all around me, and I just can;t appreciate it? I think it might be my subconscious trying to tell me something. I;m not sure what yet. But, I think that I need to start appreciating everyone around me. I need to set my priorities straight. Since when are friends more important than family? Is it because I can pick friends, and not family? Have I always been good to my family, or am I now pretending to be, because I want to be a good person? Have I always been a good friend, or am I now acting like one, because I;m tired of losing everyone around me? What happened to the promise you made me last year? You said, and I quote, “I don;t care who is around. I;ll always love you, Gaby. I;ll always be here, I;ll always be your friend.” Did I lose you too? Was I ever good to you, or am I now wishing I had, because I feel guilty I wasn;t? Did I ever make a right choice, or am I now regretting everything, because I;m scared of losing anymore? I think I found my motivation, but I don;t know how I;m going to put it in words.
